Do you ever worry that your artwork doesn’t stack up to other artists? Do you think you can’t really say the words, “ I am an artist.” Fear can kill creativity quicker than just about anything. Come along with me as I explain how I nearly let fear keep me from moving my art journey forward on a beautiful Saturday in May.
I’ve painted plein air, on location before, but I have never entered an event with other artists painting nearby and then entered that work to be judged. That was a huge step for me.
I’m a member of the Louisville Visual Arts group although I’ve never attended a meeting or an event. But I received an email in early May explaining the plein air event that would be held in late May. I’ve wanted to do one of these types of events so before I knew it, I’d whipped out my credit card and paid the $40 it cost to enter. Wrote it on my calendar and blocked out the entire day.
Then as THE DAY loomed closer I began to make all sorts of excuses as to why I couldn’t – shouldn’t go. Jim had had surgery that week. I usually clean on Saturday morning. I didn’t have the right equipment. The weather might be terrible. What if I don’t find a suitable scene to paint? What if I just can’t paint that day? I have a ton of work to do to get ready for a show next weekend. And on and on the excuses went.
By Thursday before the event I’d all but talked myself out of going. Then I remembered all the students I’d encouraged to punch fear in the face and try something scary. Something new. Something they’ve never done before. And here I was weedling my way out of doing the very thing I’d encouraged so many to do.
On Friday Jim and I rode over to the Joe Creason park and the Louisville Nature Center where the paint out would be. I didn’t really find a spot that inspired me to paint so, “oh yeah! I’m not going”, thoughts were swirling in my head. Then to make matters worse, (could they be worse), we were informed that the nature center had been rented out and we couldn’t park there. Well the nature center offered the best possible scene for me to paint, but I couldn’t haul all my gear from one park to another on foot. That does it. I’m not going.
But as we drove home I had this conversation in my head. “Can you paint trees?” “Well yes, of course I can paint trees.” “Are there trees in the park?” “Of course there are loads of trees in the park.” “Then you’re going and you’re going to paint the one thing you know you can paint, trees.”
So the decision was finally made. I was going and I was going to paint trees. I got my gear together Friday night and set it in the kitchen by the door. I’d get up early, take a shower, pack a lunch, load my car and be en route by 8:30 a.m.
By 8:27 a.m. the following morning I was on my way driving toward Louisville for my very first paint out plein air event. My confidence as an artist had somehow returned during the night and I knew I could find something inspiring to paint and that I would be able to paint. I didn’t care if I won one of the three coveted prizes and a check to go with it, victory for me was being in the car on the way to Joe Creason park. I had already won.
I got checked in and received my 9” x 12” canvas. I drove around the park and as luck would have it, there were lots of trees I could pick from. I almost decided on the metallic gold corvette in the parking lot, but I was afraid he would leave when I had my painting half finished.
Then I saw a few food wrappers in several places and I thought I could make a still life of trash. NO! I came to paint the one thing I’m really confident in painting, trees, and that’s what I was going to paint.
And then, I saw it. Not a beautiful tree leafing out with flowers on it. No, not for this artist. Not a pine tree with big majestic boughs and pine cones. Nope. I spied in the middle of beautiful trees, a big, gigantic even, dead tree. As I got out of my car to find the best vantage point to create my painting, I found that it was actually lined up perfectly with a spruce tree that was dying and a big beautiful spruce tree full of life. It was as if the universe was showing me the circle of life as a tree right there in those three trees. I blocked out every other thing in the scene and knew I had found my scene.
And a really great thing was I could park my car and haul my gear the 20 feet to my perfect viewpoint. The stars had all lined up for me today.
I got out my imperfect gear and got set up and began to paint. I paint with acrylics which dry very fast, so I brought a set of Golden Open acrylics I’d done a product review with, but had never really painted with. They stay wet longer and I thought that would help.
I was really going all in on the “try something new” mantra. There were only 7 tubes of paint, plus white and some of them were not on my normal palette. Another trying detail of this saga, but I carried on just as if I knew exactly what I was doing. The one thing that was in my favor was, I do know how to paint trees.
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I work fast so before I knew it had the trees laid out on my canvas and had those first two spruce trees on there. Then came the star of the show. A dead tree. Was I crazy for picking this tree.
No. I wasn’t crazy. At least not for picking this tree. Sometimes things just sort of flow off the brush and that’s pretty much what was happening with this dead tree. I knew when I finished, which is often problematic. The normal, “is this finished” question didn’t come into my head.
Was it perfect? No. Artwork seldom is perfect, but it was finished. By 11 a.m. I packed up my gear and headed home for a few hours before 3 p.m. when all the artists were supposed to hand in their finished work.
I was back in the park by 2:45 and handed in my finished painting. As I stood there watching over 30 paintings being handed in, something happened inside of me. I realized that my artwork was as good as many being handed in. There were a few I judged were on a higher level than me, but not nearly as many as I had anticipated. Whew! That was a relief.
I mingled with the artists making small talk as we waited for the judging to begin and winners announced. I met an adorable young couple who both painted in the event and the girl, Sarah, was a humble artist who talked as though she had just come along with her guy, Walker, because this was really his thing. She was a studio portrait artist and this was a stretch for her.
Finally the moment arrived where the judge stepped to the microphone and everyone got very quiet. He gave encouraging remarks for everyone there for participating and entering. Then he awarded the third and second place winners. And finally the winning painting goes to Sarah Sager, my new found friend. She had painted someone painting and was awarded first place.
I went home with no prize, no sale of my painting, but I did take with me the confidence that I had done it. I didn’t let myself talk me out of completing a goal I had set for myself. I tried really hard to talk myself out of it, but in the end I overcame the fear and self doubt. I completed a painting I was happy with, although I’ll probably make a few changes back in the studio.
The weather was perfect, the artists were inspiring. I made a few new friends and I learned so much. I learned about painting on location but more than that I learned, again, that I can do hard things. I am an artist!